Run it Dirty.

If you have been following my you know that I have been on a journey to be more physically fit and lose a lot of the weight I gained with my kids and the horrible freshman 15 I got from Pizza and beer at AIP. Everyone knows I lost 30+ pounds already and feel more energy. Running has been my main exercise. I love the outdoors and with the headphones on I can tune out everything and just run. It is very therapeutic. I have thought about most of my problems on runs and came up with solutions and also was able to find motivation to make myself a better person.

But I needed a goal. Yes the weight loss and the toning of my legs were a good start. But I wanted to do something good for people I love. So I joined two races. Now I am not strong enough yet to run a marathon or be competitive in any way. I never expect to win awards or beat my best time. Hell my best personal time was the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving day, but I say that is because the course was the flat streets of downtown. But I did 5 miles that day to prove to myself I could do it.

So my goal for this summer is dirty. And tough. I will probably push myself harder then I ever did before. These two event are very close to my heart and I would love some help. I need encouragement. I need sponsors. So let me tell you about the events and my AWESOME team.

Meet my Team

My Team so far is small. Beth Cummins and I are the only two. BUT we are looking more. If you run or want to have some fun…Please join us. We also have an awesome name: YINZER BITCHES. WE do have a Facebook Fan page where we will be posting about our events. We hope to continue to do this cause it is a great way to give back and it is a hell of a good time. We are our best motivation. We saw that in each other during the Turkey Trot.

Check out our races!

Muckfest is up first but only because it about a month away. This race is for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. It is five miles worth of dirt and mud and obstacles. There is some fun afterward, but that is a reward. Check out there Website for more information. And if you want to join our team let us know.

Dirty Girl 5k is a untimed obstacle course designed for all body types and athletic ability. There are water obstacles and mud and rope climbs. There are wild costumes and a whole bunch of fun. This fun run is to benefit Breast Cancer Survivors.

Now WHY these two?

Well they are personal for Beth and I. Beth’s mom has MS. And I have multiple friends who have MS. I lost my mom to cancer when I was young. So it is important to us to support these causes.

How can you help?

Beth and I would love help from all of our friends. For one we need encouragement. We suffer through injuries and exhaustion just to give and have fun. So like our Facebook page and give us some shout outs! Also Donations are welcome. You can donate on behalf of our teams on either site. And when you do we will have some fun for you! We would like to thank you by wearing your name on our shirts. We would also like to thank you on our Facebook page.Also if you like please come out to these events and cheer us on!

We would like to thank you in advanced for your love and support.

Now let’s get dirty and run!

The Soulmate

I was going to write this piece for another Blog and thought that it was a huge part of my day today and what I had to say and what I was thinking couldn’t wait. Quite frankly that is the hardest part of being a writer.

But today I was discussing my life choices and my lack of good decisions and I then promptly washed dishes at work which means the brain starts to over-function.

THE SOULMATE

What makes the decision to spend your life with someone or even with a group of people. I knew what started a relationship. For the romantic side there is a butterfly; a lightning bolt stemmed from a common lust. Then there are your friends. The type that spends there lives with you. They have common interests and you can trust them with your deepest secrets. Carrie Bradshaw always said that her friends were hers. And then there is the idea that these two groups intertwine. Your friends can become a lover and vice versa.

But what is to say that the soulmate you thought you woke up next to wasn’t. Speaking as a Girl you romantize about this person you feel this gravitational pull towards and hope that they last forever. But then years go by and the ideas and feeling waiver. You wake one morning with a disconnect no human should ever feel. You can disconnect from the entire world you built. But what makes you know that person you just met is a soulmate and is someone you can build forever on?

But again I know the future is questionable to everyone. You can never bet on anything. Or rely on anyone for that matter.

In the end I came to the conclusion that I want to believe in a soulmate but a jaded person can know that the person in the mirror is the best soulmate you can have.

Keep loving.

The Year of Amanda

SO like every other blogger in the world it is time for the end of the year post. I had to go and revisit last years post and I realized that I continued on my path of a new me. However when it was going too slow I blew everything up…and well that was a story two months ago. And I have been documenting that this whole time. Proof that you can change anything in your life at anytime with a little cash, determination and a few good friends to be backbones.

Yesterday I sat outside Rivertowne on the North Shore on my way to the Steeler game and I took a few moment to revel in the idea that I was having a great day and that it was a reason to move home. Great moments outlined with random acts of beauty. A snowflake, a fire, a skyscraper, a snowball fight, cold beer, and a football game. I now realize that is the basis for the year to come. But first I should reflect to appreciate the future.

2012 was pretty normal in the beginning. I worked, worked and more work. Had some great times and learned some new skills. I guess the real shift happened at GiveCamp. I was told shocking news and moments shifted to memories. I realized everything around me, Marriage and kids, a job not a passion, and even Boston was not me. The real me. I had gotten blurred. The person I was at 20 and what I pictured at 33 was not even the right paths. It was if I had taken a wrong turn and never found my way back. And yes this is what mid-life crisis is based on; however we have established that we have these little 1/3 life crisis…and I think this is my 2/3 one.

Moving back to Pittsburgh had to be the highlight of the year. There was a moment I knew I needed to be here again. It was July 8th and I had just left Pittsburgh after a week of self discovery and renewed love, for people and a city I was so easy to dismiss. After I turned onto 81 headed toward New York; I cried…I cried so hard it hurt to breath. Two weeks later I decided to leave my entire life and start over.

Since I have been back I have done amazing things. I went to Podcamp. I only mention that first because it is my favorite to go to every year, but it was the first thing I did when I moved back. I went to two other events: Creative Mornings and Childrens Museum MAKEnight.  I saw two Steelers games, which I never did before. I started at a Sign company as an artist which has been huge for me.

Now on the Horizon.

I sat down today and made a list of my goals for 2013 and I think that is how I can sum up this post. So here is to 2013, raise a glass and toast yourself. I know I am. The year of Amanda:

1. Save $6000
2. Buy a new car
3. Buy my first Apartment
4. Get Divorced
5. Decide Custody
6. Loose the last 40 pounds
7. Succeed at my new projects
8. Succeed at both jobs
9. Start and Finish writing a novel
10. LET LOVE HAPPEN

Now these are not Resolutions…I only have one of those:

For 2013 my only resolution is to:

DO YOU. AND MAKE MEMORIES OUT OF EVERY MOMENT.

Happy New Year

Love you.

 

The most intimate blog I will ever write

Love…

I know that today is black Friday when thousands of people flock to store to trample others for some good that they think will enrich a person. But I sat at home and watched a bad romance movie…City of Angels. It happens to be one of the only Nic Cage movies I like.

But it got me thinking about love. And how this holiday I will be alone. And while I am okay with that I thought where is my head in the spectrum of love. Past and future. Whatever and whenever it maybe.

There is a point in the movie where Seth chooses to give up heaven and leave to be with Maggie. And then she dies almost within 24 hours of his choice. But he said that he would do it all again just to hold her hand and feel her hair.

Now I have dated a lot and been truly in love just a handful of times. And when I say love I mean they are still with me today in the mental capacity. A song, and item, a date will trigger a whirlwind of emotions. Happiness, sadness, passion, all rolled into possibly a 10 minute span. These men I carry with me forever. Three men.

Now I am a hopeless romantic. Give me a slow song and a candlelit dinner and I am butterflies in the stomach galore. Hold my hand for no reason and I swoon. I am a simple girl…no need for jewelry or flowers. Just a simple smile will do. However I have failed at every relationship I have ever entered into. Perhaps I am too complex…or I need to much.

What about what a man needs for love? While I am no expert, I wonder at what point do they get butterflies? At what point do they wake up and know…yes, this woman I love. And at what point do they take there leap to know that they would give everything up just to touch them?

I was once on a first date where the man told me they needed to love themselves before they could commit to a relationship. I thought they were selfish and perhaps just letting me down easy. However I just thought what a novel idea. A month later he was in a serious relationship to a girl he asked to marry on the day we graduated college.

The moral of that sidestep…I have started to relove myself and becoming the person I use to be and I want someone to appreciate me for who I am and what I like. I like sports, I love food and drinks, I love tech, and I love to feel emotions. Perhaps I am complex trying to be simple. That is a novel idea.

So while I didn’t buy a single gift yet for anyone. I offer this gift to you…before you buy a single gift for that person you love consider giving them the best gift you can. Yourself. Pure and true. And learn to love a person for who they are and let them love who you are and never let them change you. And don’t ever change them.

Holy Crap One Month!!!!

I sat in the kitchen this afternoon and it dawned on me that I have already been back in Pittsburgh one full month. And I must say that it was one hell of a month!

While most things in Pittsburgh hasn’t changed; the traffic, the construction, the general friendliness of people. My life here is different as an adult. I have done things my way and I have felt few regrets about leaving Boston behind.

Career

We can start with work. I did continue at Starbucks just at a new store and they have been more then welcoming. I have fit right in and Have felt like a valuable team member. However the more exciting news is that I start a Art job on Monday. Thanks to an awesome friend I interviewed for a job laying out signs and doing basic design work. Which is great for me. I also have two exciting projects coming out and cannot wait to share them, but I will keep them under wraps until later. I am excited about them though. Also today I kicked off NaNoWriMo. Which I always wanted to write a novel and so this was a cool and challenging way to do that.

Fitness

Dispite the cold weather I have got to go for a few short jogs. I have enjoyed it. I am still watching what I eat, however I have not returned to Weight Watchers. It is on the list for next month. Just to get me through the holidays.

Friends

I have been very fortunate to spend sometime with new friends and even had the chance to meet some new people at Podcamp Pittsburgh 7. It has also filled my Social Calendar for a good bit. Which is cool cause I like meeting new people and going out. I also have had a blast reconnecting with people I have let go for the past 10+years. Always remember your best friends are the ones who come back and stick with you through everything. I have also had the great oppertunity that I have had not one awkward run-in since I moved home.
So in all I have had more Success in three weeks then in 7 years in Boston. Just goes to show you that when you destroy your own life, you can always rebuild an empire.

Random Coffee Shop Post #1

So I have been sitting here at the Muddy Cup in Bellevue for about the past 30 minutes and I noticed two things: 1: it has changed so much since I was a kid. I use to take the bus here, or walk to see a boyfriend at the time and we would eat pizza at Luigi’s and see a movie at the theatre that is now a Family Dollar.

But I noticed something that I never thought I would see. The church across the street got a facelift and I thought what an interesting parallel to my life. You see for my entire life this church was black from the soot of the steel mills. It was told us as kids that you could tell how old a building was by how black it was. This church centered in the center of town and it may not be as well-known as the others in town and in fact I have never been inside of this one. The thing that shocked me the most is that it finally is getting a facelift. The black is scrubbed off the bottom and you can see from the picture below that are almost to the top.

Now I know that what does this have to do with me and this whole transition in my life and I tell you that the other day I was asked how my day was and the only answer I could say was “Normal”. It was normal. I went to work, came home, showered and then met with friends for food. It was a normal day. Today was Normal. The church is beginning to look normal. Everything, every box I unpack the pain seems to dissipate. It seems like my depression has turned to determination. I am determined to be great. To have a new lease on life-like the church is getting new people to notice it.

So thanks some random church for todays thought of peace. You made me smile.

 

New Chapter, New Life, New Empire

I came to New England 7 years ago. I had a newborn baby, an old marriage, and big hopes for Boston. I never really thought about living anywhere but Pittsburgh. To me it was home. It was everything I needed it to be. But I had hoped New England would be the new home I needed to strive into adulthood.

I will never say I was wrong. I just was perhaps, misled. I wanted it. I worked really hard. I made friends, got clients, and grew my family. However everything also seemed to grow apart. My career and clients seemed to strive and falter with seasons. My family grew apart as times got tougher; and well this no longer ever felt like home. And it was no ones fault but my own. I learned a lot. Some of the people I worked for taught me to be tough as nails and all the cool new things I wanted to learn. I learned about web video, social media and blogging, which all was a direct result of my desire to make it in this life. But again I feel a disconnect.

I guess this is the point where I explain what is next and why. And while I can tell the story a thousand times I know that I cannot tell everyone that might wonder what happened to me. I am never one to leave on a quiet train. I make entrances and I make exits. So this is my exit.

I am going home.

If you know me, truly know me, I have never left Pittsburgh. Still cheer for the sport teams, still read the newspapers, and still have friends and family there. And now I feel I have a future there. I might stumble and fall; but I know at least I can rebuild something that I lost in the harshness of New England; myself.

And I am unhappy. I also know that anytime I have ever felt this loss in faith I have made a drastic change to fix myself. Little changes never helped. And while I had hoped most people in my life supported me, I can hear the disappointment in everyone. And I get that what I am doing is painful for everyone. But so is me staying. I know that. Losing your feeling, your love of life can be a suffocating event. In the end I feel like it is my strength that can can restore my love of everything.

Now before I get swamped with a thousand questions: I will be living in Avalon with my dad for a while. I will continue to work for Starbucks in Cranberry, I will be continuing to do art and hopes that this will just be a new chapter in my artistic life. As far as the rest that is an as needed basis. I will look forward to seeing my friends.

And I will look forward to a new empire.