I came to New England 7 years ago. I had a newborn baby, an old marriage, and big hopes for Boston. I never really thought about living anywhere but Pittsburgh. To me it was home. It was everything I needed it to be. But I had hoped New England would be the new home I needed to strive into adulthood.
I will never say I was wrong. I just was perhaps, misled. I wanted it. I worked really hard. I made friends, got clients, and grew my family. However everything also seemed to grow apart. My career and clients seemed to strive and falter with seasons. My family grew apart as times got tougher; and well this no longer ever felt like home. And it was no ones fault but my own. I learned a lot. Some of the people I worked for taught me to be tough as nails and all the cool new things I wanted to learn. I learned about web video, social media and blogging, which all was a direct result of my desire to make it in this life. But again I feel a disconnect.
I guess this is the point where I explain what is next and why. And while I can tell the story a thousand times I know that I cannot tell everyone that might wonder what happened to me. I am never one to leave on a quiet train. I make entrances and I make exits. So this is my exit.
I am going home.
If you know me, truly know me, I have never left Pittsburgh. Still cheer for the sport teams, still read the newspapers, and still have friends and family there. And now I feel I have a future there. I might stumble and fall; but I know at least I can rebuild something that I lost in the harshness of New England; myself.
And I am unhappy. I also know that anytime I have ever felt this loss in faith I have made a drastic change to fix myself. Little changes never helped. And while I had hoped most people in my life supported me, I can hear the disappointment in everyone. And I get that what I am doing is painful for everyone. But so is me staying. I know that. Losing your feeling, your love of life can be a suffocating event. In the end I feel like it is my strength that can can restore my love of everything.
Now before I get swamped with a thousand questions: I will be living in Avalon with my dad for a while. I will continue to work for Starbucks in Cranberry, I will be continuing to do art and hopes that this will just be a new chapter in my artistic life. As far as the rest that is an as needed basis. I will look forward to seeing my friends.