The most intimate blog I will ever write


I know that today is black Friday when thousands of people flock to store to trample others for some good that they think will enrich a person. But I sat at home and watched a bad romance movie…City of Angels. It happens to be one of the only Nic Cage movies I like.

But it got me thinking about love. And how this holiday I will be alone. And while I am okay with that I thought where is my head in the spectrum of love. Past and future. Whatever and whenever it maybe.

There is a point in the movie where Seth chooses to give up heaven and leave to be with Maggie. And then she dies almost within 24 hours of his choice. But he said that he would do it all again just to hold her hand and feel her hair.

Now I have dated a lot and been truly in love just a handful of times. And when I say love I mean they are still with me today in the mental capacity. A song, and item, a date will trigger a whirlwind of emotions. Happiness, sadness, passion, all rolled into possibly a 10 minute span. These men I carry with me forever. Three men.

Now I am a hopeless romantic. Give me a slow song and a candlelit dinner and I am butterflies in the stomach galore. Hold my hand for no reason and I swoon. I am a simple girl…no need for jewelry or flowers. Just a simple smile will do. However I have failed at every relationship I have ever entered into. Perhaps I am too complex…or I need to much.

What about what a man needs for love? While I am no expert, I wonder at what point do they get butterflies? At what point do they wake up and know…yes, this woman I love. And at what point do they take there leap to know that they would give everything up just to touch them?

I was once on a first date where the man told me they needed to love themselves before they could commit to a relationship. I thought they were selfish and perhaps just letting me down easy. However I just thought what a novel idea. A month later he was in a serious relationship to a girl he asked to marry on the day we graduated college.

The moral of that sidestep…I have started to relove myself and becoming the person I use to be and I want someone to appreciate me for who I am and what I like. I like sports, I love food and drinks, I love tech, and I love to feel emotions. Perhaps I am complex trying to be simple. That is a novel idea.

So while I didn’t buy a single gift yet for anyone. I offer this gift to you…before you buy a single gift for that person you love consider giving them the best gift you can. Yourself. Pure and true. And learn to love a person for who they are and let them love who you are and never let them change you. And don’t ever change them.


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